embracing darkness

All posts tagged embracing darkness

Where I’ve Been, What I’ve Done.

Posted by TheWickedOne on December 23, 2012
Posted in: Force Realism. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

I haven’t been posting lately. A minor post every now and again, but nothing really approaching the things I did in the early days of the Stygian Traveller. Pronounced “sti-ji-an”, by the way. Mostly because I’ve been busy. So sit awhile and listen, I’ll let you know what I’ve been up to for the past few months, since the online work ended and the real work began.

July 29, 2012, I started a training arrangement with David Edge at the Dark Aspect of the Force Academy. We talked for awhile and he ferretted out my goals, both of which were ones held by many. We found that I would pursue my intellectual desires as I saw fit and required little to no guidance there. David oversaw the pursuit of my main goal; losing weight and getting fit. Such a common story, is it not? Where others and I differed was that I actually got off my ass and got the damn work done.

The day of my arrangement’s beginning I was 117 kilograms, equal to 257 pounds. I had shoddy ankles and would roll them on a daily basis. My knees would hurt after prolonged sessions of walking.

I started exercising the next day, the 30th of July. I was living with co-workers, away from home in a port town. I took the opportunity to exercise and learn how to best accomplish my goals from people who were regular gym goers.

Within four weeks I’d lost 10 kilograms, down to 107/235. It was hard. I was playing games of rugby, I was doing weights and keeping up with them in general. I’d wake up some days totally fucked and hardly able to walk, or move my arms. But I still drove myself towards my goal, using my passion as the fuel I’d need to achieve.

In the meantime I received a few lectures about secrecy and deception, which would later come to inspire the Path of Heresy. Every now and then I’d discuss some ambitious new plan, like revising the Grand Book of the Sith, or putting together pieces for the Codex Chaplain, but each time I did so, he asked me this question; “Don’t you want to be a writer?” Or some variation of, at levels of intensity, basically telling me to cut my crap and go about fulfilling a dream of mine.

Words said by Chiron but related to me by Khaos stuck in my head the last few months; ‘the dream is damned and the dreamer too, if dreaming’s all that dreamers do’. If I was the type to get text tattoos I’d be getting this. This is what I told myself.

So I started writing. Characters, concepts, plots all unfolded before me. Too many, in fact, and I was a victim of my own nature, going to and fro between stories. I continued the weight loss and fitness training, with more than just some success.

The day before my knighthood announcement I’d weighed in at 96 kg, or roughly 211 pounds. I’d lost 21 kilograms and become so much fitter. The aches and pains were gone, my ankles were so much stronger. The weight loss has become apparent and the subject of talk. My work supervisor suggested sending me in for a drug test to see if I’d been taking anything I shouldn’t to help me in my efforts. Only jokingly, I think. I can never be sure with him.

On Saturday the 22nd of December I was accepted to become a writer at a reviews website. I now have an avenue, foot in the door, and outlet, being a movie, gaming and restaurant critic. Many of their writers often go into professional, mainstream journalism, something I’d ruled out in the past due to not having the money for university.

So there you have it. In the time since I started, I’d taken control of my life in a vastly positive way. I’d become fitter, healthier, more agile, smarter, more aware. The Path of Heresy, which I am currently working on making additions to, would not have been written and added to the lecture hall without this training. I’d fulfilled two goals I’d ached to accomplish for so long.  Right now I’m working on three 7-week programs, “7 weeks to 100 pushups“, “7 weeks to 200 situps” and “7 weeks to 200 squats“. It hurts like hell after those sessions, but it’s worth it.

That’s what my apprenticeship yielded. REAL results out in the world. Following my dreams and actually damn well doing something about it. And it won’t stop here. I’m going to keep on going, because Knighthood isn’t the end of the road, it’s recognition for the road travelled so far.

William Kaede, Dark Knight of the Force Academy, signing off until next time.

Aggression and Assertion

Posted by TheWickedOne on October 30, 2012
Posted in: Codex Chaplain. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

Often I hear of the repression of aggression, partially because I talk with Jedi Realists. “Only to defend, never to attack“, quoting Master Yoda. It leads to “darker” values and inevitably, evil, or so they’ll tell you. But it must be said that there is a succinct difference between assertion and aggression. Making the first move, taking the first step, is not necessarily an act of attack, but one of assertion. Acting out of impulsion, of hate, in anger, is an attack. By letting others make the first move we can be put at a disadvantage, especially if you’re of the reactionary mindset.

Make a move for progression. Be measured and controlled but assert yourself. Don’t hide behind poorly defined words as an excuse to lack ambition, initiative and drive. Don’t make excuses. Embrace assertion and truly discover what you can be capable of when you decide to take charge.

Control and Strength

Posted by TheWickedOne on October 11, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

Self-control is something people have differing opinions on. For some, self-control means abstinence, for others, moderation. Both concepts require self-control and a decent amount of resolve. Both have merits, especially depending on what you’re dealing with. I wouldn’t advocate a moderation-based perspective on heroin, for instance. For this post, ‘abstinence’ will refer to complete refusal to partake in a thing, rather than just sexual activity, as the word tends to be used nowadays.

We hear of people who ‘have one and can’t stop’. People who absolutely cannot stop the ball once it starts rolling. Alcoholics who completely fall off the wagon at as much prompting as a simple glass of wine at a wedding. These are the types who I use in discussion against abstaining. People who can’t handle moderation must abstain, but I have heard it said by fundamentalists that moderation is the ‘easy way out’. Surely resisting temptation even when you have the taste on your tongue is harder.

Moderation requires more work but it can be a healthier route, mentally, emotionallyand sometimes physically. To use alcohol as an example, those who abstain have no tolerance or preparation for any time they do slip up, and it happens. “Falling off the wagon”, the saying goes. Why not just climb down for a bit, enjoy stretching your legs, and get back on when you’re ready? He who can successfully moderate can have one, and say no to any more without it being a problem. This requires more strength, but would most likely be a healthier avenue.

The high-and-mighty, holier-than-thou, sanctimonious types can preach all they like about the virtue of abstaining, but often only replace one vice with another, or merely justify the occasional binge with a plea of ‘weakness’. They call objects of vice ‘poison’, and yes, some are poisonous in a very literal sense. They fear their vices and their nature, rather than respect and control them. If they sat down and faced their ‘demons’, they could very well come to term with their issues and not go ballistic at the mere smell of mouthwash. I could go on a rant about how these people are weak, but that’s a harsh generalisation and unfair to people who are recovering from their problems.
People who succumb to their dark side fall under its control and give ideas such as moderation and enjoyment a bad name. Control it, or it will control you. As the saying goes “if you do not master your rage, rage will be your master”. Replace rage with any addiction or vice or even personality flaw that you like. Respect and control is the name of the game. I’m not suggesting that you like it. Just don’t live in fear of a part of yourself, especially because you have it in you to bring it to heel. Your Self can be your greatest ally if you make it, but your Self can be your greatest enemy if you fail.

Abstaining is all fine if that suits you, but if you’re going to stay there, damn well have the courage to stay there. Else, learn to moderate. It may not be easy at first, but eventually you can become more rounded, stronger, less stressed and happier. Respect your dark side, don’t live in fear of it. Don’t succumb. Live with it and master it.

Fear Leads to Anger, Anger Leads to Hate, Hate leads to Productivity

Posted by TheWickedOne on August 1, 2012
Posted in: Codex Chaplain, Force Realism. Tagged: , , , , , , . 1 comment

We’ve all heard the little sayings and quotations about how anger and whatnot will set you back in life. The people who say this cannot see that side of themselves for what it truly is; a tool. Like any tool, it can be misused, and often will be in the wrong hands, or in the hands of the untrained. Lashing out in anger can be a definite setback like any impetuous action. Instead, channelling that rage into something productive or creative can yield positive results. The anger doesn’t have to be directed to or sourced from anyone you know, it could just be general frustration. Anger with the television or internet can cause some people to throw up their hands in frustration and go pick up a book or go outside or do something constructive.

My own anger spurred me into finding a better paying job. It drove me to get started on my driver’s licence. Frustration can be one  hell of a motivator if you know how to use it. Merely getting angry and shouting or throwing objects around is merely blind rage. This is definitely considered non-constructive behavior, but some psychologists claim that sort of release can be good for your mental well-being. As I stated before, anger is a tool. Used incorrectly it could injure yourself or others. Because unexpected bouts of anger are often loud and uncaring it can disturb the emotional well-being of those around you. Used correctly, however, you could find yourself tapping a well-spring of inspiration and energy you may not have found before. All it takes is a bit of knowledge, a bit of patience and some honesty.

One of the opening lines in Stanley Kubrick’s dark masterpiece ‘Full Metal Jacket‘ goes thus: “Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn: I am hard, but I am fair!” This is true to an extent. Hating Gunnery Sergeant Hartman would inspire the recruits in a twisted way to perform their best, whether to prove him wrong or merely avoid his ire. This is true in the real world and some people try to attempt the same thing, albeit half-assedly, in what they call ‘tough love’. It’s more likely to cause frustration than any actual progression.

Hate can inspire. Frustration can motivate. In short, anger can be put to proper use, rather than just random bouts of profanity or occasional violence. You have to understand what it is you’re focusing on and why. Self-knowing is the key to change. Hating a condition and wanting to change it. Hating the way a certain person treats you or thinks of you and wanting to best them or prove them wrong. Society tells us that anger is something to be suppressed, or at the very least, released in socially appropriate settings. They have it half-right. Rather than taking out your frustration on a punching bag or, more likely, a fast-food employee, channel it. Discover the source of your emotion and tap it towards something beneficial. Remember, everyone: ‘Through passion, I gain strength.‘