So you may remember my mentioning of being accepted for a job at a reviews and events website. Well, my first review is up; I’ve reviewed The Hobbit, an Unexpected Journey. I get paid for this, but it’s calculated by readers and advertising revenue, so if you could click the link and have a look, that’d be fantastic.
The Hobbit, an Unexpected Journey Review at WeekendNotes
Thank you all, it’s been a good ride so far. See you next year.
I haven’t been posting lately. A minor post every now and again, but nothing really approaching the things I did in the early days of the Stygian Traveller. Pronounced “sti-ji-an”, by the way. Mostly because I’ve been busy. So sit awhile and listen, I’ll let you know what I’ve been up to for the past few months, since the online work ended and the real work began.
July 29, 2012, I started a training arrangement with David Edge at the Dark Aspect of the Force Academy. We talked for awhile and he ferretted out my goals, both of which were ones held by many. We found that I would pursue my intellectual desires as I saw fit and required little to no guidance there. David oversaw the pursuit of my main goal; losing weight and getting fit. Such a common story, is it not? Where others and I differed was that I actually got off my ass and got the damn work done.
The day of my arrangement’s beginning I was 117 kilograms, equal to 257 pounds. I had shoddy ankles and would roll them on a daily basis. My knees would hurt after prolonged sessions of walking.
I started exercising the next day, the 30th of July. I was living with co-workers, away from home in a port town. I took the opportunity to exercise and learn how to best accomplish my goals from people who were regular gym goers.
Within four weeks I’d lost 10 kilograms, down to 107/235. It was hard. I was playing games of rugby, I was doing weights and keeping up with them in general. I’d wake up some days totally fucked and hardly able to walk, or move my arms. But I still drove myself towards my goal, using my passion as the fuel I’d need to achieve.
In the meantime I received a few lectures about secrecy and deception, which would later come to inspire the Path of Heresy. Every now and then I’d discuss some ambitious new plan, like revising the Grand Book of the Sith, or putting together pieces for the Codex Chaplain, but each time I did so, he asked me this question; “Don’t you want to be a writer?” Or some variation of, at levels of intensity, basically telling me to cut my crap and go about fulfilling a dream of mine.
Words said by Chiron but related to me by Khaos stuck in my head the last few months; ‘the dream is damned and the dreamer too, if dreaming’s all that dreamers do’. If I was the type to get text tattoos I’d be getting this. This is what I told myself.
So I started writing. Characters, concepts, plots all unfolded before me. Too many, in fact, and I was a victim of my own nature, going to and fro between stories. I continued the weight loss and fitness training, with more than just some success.
The day before my knighthood announcement I’d weighed in at 96 kg, or roughly 211 pounds. I’d lost 21 kilograms and become so much fitter. The aches and pains were gone, my ankles were so much stronger. The weight loss has become apparent and the subject of talk. My work supervisor suggested sending me in for a drug test to see if I’d been taking anything I shouldn’t to help me in my efforts. Only jokingly, I think. I can never be sure with him.
On Saturday the 22nd of December I was accepted to become a writer at a reviews website. I now have an avenue, foot in the door, and outlet, being a movie, gaming and restaurant critic. Many of their writers often go into professional, mainstream journalism, something I’d ruled out in the past due to not having the money for university.
So there you have it. In the time since I started, I’d taken control of my life in a vastly positive way. I’d become fitter, healthier, more agile, smarter, more aware. The Path of Heresy, which I am currently working on making additions to, would not have been written and added to the lecture hall without this training. I’d fulfilled two goals I’d ached to accomplish for so long. Right now I’m working on three 7-week programs, “7 weeks to 100 pushups“, “7 weeks to 200 situps” and “7 weeks to 200 squats“. It hurts like hell after those sessions, but it’s worth it.
That’s what my apprenticeship yielded. REAL results out in the world. Following my dreams and actually damn well doing something about it. And it won’t stop here. I’m going to keep on going, because Knighthood isn’t the end of the road, it’s recognition for the road travelled so far.
William Kaede, Dark Knight of the Force Academy, signing off until next time.
Jediism. It’s not a phrase I enjoy. Sithism less so. Sithism sounds like a cruel joke played on someone with a lisp. I’m not a fan of organised religion, on the whole. I enjoy the slight chaos of brotherhoods and folk groups, rather than organised, churchy stuff.
I personally believe creating more ‘isms’ is the last thing this world needs at present. Jediism is an unnecessary mouthful, as well as making clear, dogmatic definitions of something that should largely remain part of your personal interpretation: The Force. I view the Force with LaVeyan Satanist eyes: I am the Force, you are the Force. The Force is within the individual, giving them their spark, their potential. However they use it is up to them. Everything begins and ends with choice, no matter how hard the choices are, or whether or not they make sense.
Paganfolk see the Force as the power of nature, Christians as the divine spirit, Easterners as ki energy and other such life-force concepts. In creating a religion, we run the risk of making rules and concrete definitions. From there, we get schisms and arguments on definition. It is the same as the Sith and Jedi Codes; they require personal interpretation to make them work, were people to take them serious, Jedi would be dull, librarian automatons and Sith would probably be sociopathic, chain-breaking gymgoers.
There’s nothing wrong with the word Jedi. I feel that Jedi’ism’ is an attempt to make Jedi sound more socially acceptable, less nerdy, and more sanctified. Adding the ‘ism’ makes it sound like a religion, thus closing it to acceptable criticism. Which doesn’t work. The same goes for Sith’ism’. And while Jedi’ism’ is the preferred term for some, I wonder why they’re using the word. To me, it sounds like hiding from the truth. But hell, to each their own.
A slight update on things? I’ve created a series of works as a definition of my approach, and ‘path’, as such. It is called the Path of Heresy and is a companion piece to the Codex Chaplain. It is available to view in the Dark Lecture Hall at the Force Academy. I’m currently stuck as far as studies go; I’m not sure what to do right now. I’m torn between following my own study, or doing the Order of the Sith assignments. Ah well, time shall tell. It always does.
There was an incident at my workplace on Saturday where a length of rail flicked out and snapped the ankle of a supervisor. He will be undergoing surgery and physiotherapy for six weeks. The accident could have been avoidable by a more vigilant individual, but what is done is done. What is considered important now is how he recovers. More importantly, how he chooses to recover. Whether he complains and attempts to make himself the object of pity, or shows fortitude and recovers with dignity and conviction. That is how we find his measure in this matter.
I have weak ankles, the result of old injuries and ignoring warnings from medical professionals. I am on the path towards remedying this but I still suffer twists and sprains every so often. I recover from these with resilience and composure. When I twist and fall, I get back up. I stand until I can move, whether it’s a manageable limp or slow walk. I do that until I can move normally. I don’t bemoan the situation, seek pity or use it as an excuse for laziness. I soldier on, as the saying goes. I have to.
Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Sometimes I fail, scarcely missing victory or at times I barely even approach it. Incorrect methodology, lack of power or a mere poor stroke of chance is all it takes to success to elude me or you. The smart person will recover, learning what lessons there are to be learnt, laying the foundations towards greater success. Conflict is a powerful way to grow because we have things to overcome. Failure is merely something else that we cannot let get the better of us.
In times of failure, our recovery is paramount. The true defeat would be allowing a moment of loss to to take its toll on your strength, sapping your willpower and confidence. When outside forces or chance overcome you, it is a momentary failure, a lack of power. When you prevent yourself from succeeding, that is the worst kind of defeat. The self can be the greatest enemy of the self.
My boss is a firm believer in that a man can be judged by how he recovers from failure; whether he takes responsibility and fixes it, or attempts to shirk responsibility and lay the blame on others. His opinion of a person can change significantly if he sees a poor recovery. When anything bad happens on the job, he’ll say “It’s not how we fall, it’s how we get back up.” It’s a view I agree with.
Pain comes in many shapes and forms. Painful experiences aren’t always in our control. How we manage it is how we’re known and judged.
Often I hear of the repression of aggression, partially because I talk with Jedi Realists. “Only to defend, never to attack“, quoting Master Yoda. It leads to “darker” values and inevitably, evil, or so they’ll tell you. But it must be said that there is a succinct difference between assertion and aggression. Making the first move, taking the first step, is not necessarily an act of attack, but one of assertion. Acting out of impulsion, of hate, in anger, is an attack. By letting others make the first move we can be put at a disadvantage, especially if you’re of the reactionary mindset.
Make a move for progression. Be measured and controlled but assert yourself. Don’t hide behind poorly defined words as an excuse to lack ambition, initiative and drive. Don’t make excuses. Embrace assertion and truly discover what you can be capable of when you decide to take charge.
Self-control is something people have differing opinions on. For some, self-control means abstinence, for others, moderation. Both concepts require self-control and a decent amount of resolve. Both have merits, especially depending on what you’re dealing with. I wouldn’t advocate a moderation-based perspective on heroin, for instance. For this post, ‘abstinence’ will refer to complete refusal to partake in a thing, rather than just sexual activity, as the word tends to be used nowadays.
We hear of people who ‘have one and can’t stop’. People who absolutely cannot stop the ball once it starts rolling. Alcoholics who completely fall off the wagon at as much prompting as a simple glass of wine at a wedding. These are the types who I use in discussion against abstaining. People who can’t handle moderation must abstain, but I have heard it said by fundamentalists that moderation is the ‘easy way out’. Surely resisting temptation even when you have the taste on your tongue is harder.
Moderation requires more work but it can be a healthier route, mentally, emotionallyand sometimes physically. To use alcohol as an example, those who abstain have no tolerance or preparation for any time they do slip up, and it happens. “Falling off the wagon”, the saying goes. Why not just climb down for a bit, enjoy stretching your legs, and get back on when you’re ready? He who can successfully moderate can have one, and say no to any more without it being a problem. This requires more strength, but would most likely be a healthier avenue.
The high-and-mighty, holier-than-thou, sanctimonious types can preach all they like about the virtue of abstaining, but often only replace one vice with another, or merely justify the occasional binge with a plea of ‘weakness’. They call objects of vice ‘poison’, and yes, some are poisonous in a very literal sense. They fear their vices and their nature, rather than respect and control them. If they sat down and faced their ‘demons’, they could very well come to term with their issues and not go ballistic at the mere smell of mouthwash. I could go on a rant about how these people are weak, but that’s a harsh generalisation and unfair to people who are recovering from their problems.
People who succumb to their dark side fall under its control and give ideas such as moderation and enjoyment a bad name. Control it, or it will control you. As the saying goes “if you do not master your rage, rage will be your master”. Replace rage with any addiction or vice or even personality flaw that you like. Respect and control is the name of the game. I’m not suggesting that you like it. Just don’t live in fear of a part of yourself, especially because you have it in you to bring it to heel. Your Self can be your greatest ally if you make it, but your Self can be your greatest enemy if you fail.
Abstaining is all fine if that suits you, but if you’re going to stay there, damn well have the courage to stay there. Else, learn to moderate. It may not be easy at first, but eventually you can become more rounded, stronger, less stressed and happier. Respect your dark side, don’t live in fear of it. Don’t succumb. Live with it and master it.
Being the inquisitive soul that I am, I recently sought to sate my curiosity on the subject of spirit animals. After a few Google searches I found a website dedicated to the subject that didn’t look like a fourteen year old’s MySpace page. Rather than spirit animals, though, it worked with Animal Totems, icons chosen by you to represent, protect or guide you. I performed a basic meditation exercise to discover my animal totem.
Close your eyes. Regulate your breathing. Breathe in for three counts. Hold for one. Exhale four counts. Repeat until it comes without having to focus on it. Some people use music to help them achieve this state. I didn’t, but I had the crashing of waves in the distance to listen to.
Picture an environment. It can be whatever you like. Mine is a crescent-shaped beach edged by a forest.
Ask for help, guidance, or merely the appearance of the animal. Out of the darkness flew a stately raven.
When I saw the raven I snapped out of the trance state. I was hazy and a bit shaken but that was most likely due to being overtired and spending fifteen minutes with my eyes shut.
Ravens, corvus corax, are reputed to be the most intelligent of all birds. They’re survivalists and appear quite often in the folklore of the world.
The next night I did the same, and at the end came a big brown bear, I’d assume it to be a grizzly, lumbering out of the forest in my mind.
To me, bears are representative of strength and loyalty. The wisdom of never getting between a bear and its cub is known even in places that don’t have bears.
For the next few nights and even during the day I kept at it, and each time it would be a bear or raven, and once it was both. So I took these two animals for my totem and then consulted the website about this pair of creatures.
The raven symbolizes magic and transformation and is said to be an omen, or harbinger of change. It is said to also represent intellect, skill as well as illumination and light within the darkness. They represent living without fear and balance of the varying aspects of life.
As with many spiritual things these days, it seems intentionally vague, but what’s there corresponds partly to my own associations with the bird.
Bears represent strength, balance and inner energy to find answers and judgement to make changes in life. They’re known for willingness to defend if necessary, leadership qualities, caution, insight and taking opportunities when they arise.
Again, these fit in part with what I see as key characteristics in bears.
So with this in mind I chose my totems. Whether or not I’ll craft an actual totem is debatable, but I don’t think I will be any time soon.
The next week I came back to the spirit animal concept. I was still eager on discovering the spirit guide, so I asked at the only place I know which has a spiritual studies section which isn’t likely to spout a bunch of psueodo-mystical nonsense; the Jedi Order, surprisingly enough.
I made an enquiry and was helped by Mark Anjuu, one of the Order’s Specialists on the subject. He sent me an audio file, fifteen minutes long. It was a narrated guide with drum&pipe meditation music.
Close your eyes, regulate your breathing. Three counts in. Hold one. Four counts out, repeat.
Visualize a forest. Walk through it and take notice of the nature around you. Walk until you find a hole in the ground, big enough to fit you. Pass through it. On the other end you’ll find a river. Walk beside it until you come to a waterfall; the end of the river. Ask for the help of your spirit animal and it will appear on the opposite bank.
When you are done, leave the way you came and then wake.
I wasn’t sure what I saw the first time. It had grey fur, was four legged with a long snout and bushy tail. It could have been a fox or wolf. It was obscured by reeds in the water.
The next night I repeated the exercise. Again, vague. On the third night I came face to face with a grey wolf.
I was happy with my guide being a wolf because I respect them and what I think they represent. I haven’t met one yet, so my thoughts on wolves are more likely to be idealistic rather than realistic.
Wolves I associate with nobility, tenacity, courage, loyalty and to a lesser extent, spirits and magic. Often in films a shaman is seen in wolf-hide headdress.
The source I consulted for my totems had this to say about wolves: They represent family, spirit, royalty, strength, freedom, the wild. They’re said to teach steadfastness, family loyalty, balance, adaptability and wisdom.
In all I think my guide is one that suits me. So now I have an animal guide and two totems. Might make for a nice tattoo some time in the future.
As always, I value discussion. There’s a comment box there for a reason.
